2nd of December

I wasn't able to go to school due to extreme muscle pains, headache and intolerable pain caused by my ulcers inside my mouth. This is so unlucky since I have double lessons of Physics today and I can't afford to miss any lesson, but once again I did and not one but two lessons. I feel so annoyed that I couldn't get up in the morning when I can now. I am so annoyed that my head seems to have a contracting and expanding ball inside that is about to burst anytime. Why do I have to experience this when I only got few days left at school? Why can't I just finish it without any hassle? It is just so irritating.

Clearly, I don't want this day to be a waste. A long 24-hour day just to be put into junk just because I'm sick. NO WAY. Today, I am going to do my Economics assignment as well as my English and Chemistry homeworks. I wish I can accomplish everything though because knowing my procrastinating personality, I hardly do real work. GRR.

Anyway, I am going to start by now so I can finish by mid-day and start on other subjects 2nd half of the day. imy

Economics

End of year 10, I received my final list of subjects I'm doing in senior school. As I went through the list, there's one thing that I am not happy about. I got into Economics, my last choice. How come everyone got to do all the subjects they like? How come everyone did but me? I really wanted to do Business Studies but both classes clash with my Chemistry and Physics. So, I had no choice but to do it.

Eventually, I found Economics really exciting. From exciting, to amusing. From like, to love. WOW. I love Economics. I actually do. I am doing really good in class. I could not believe that I will have a passion for the subject. It's just WOW.

But that was the Preliminary Course. At the moment, everything just happens spontaneously. I don't get to follow my own command. Or rather, the world just doesn't follow what I want.

I have been through so many discussions, debates and arguments with other people. These talks all revolve on whether or not I am dropping Economics. This has been a sensitive one to me since I love Economics and it's not easy to make sacrifice. DUH?!? That's why it's called sacrifice.

Anyway, other aspects of my life have been touched along with solving the dilemma of what subject to drop. My future, my university plans and everything. WOW. I can't comprehend properly and I am seriously lost. Hello?!? I am just a year 11 student. How would I know what I want to do in my life at this point of time? I know I should have made my mind by now but everything is just happening so quickly. What if I get to choose the wrong path? What if something goes wrong? What will I do?

One day, I say 'I will drop Economics' and the next day, 'I love Economics'

WAHH. I am so lost until the day when a guy came to my school and gave us a little talk.

'Too many options is bad. It gives a person the fear of choosing the wrong option. But make a decision now before it's too late. It's better to make a wrong decision and learn to live with it to make it right than to freeze and let the world pass by you.'

WOW. I mean, OUCH. Was that for me? NO? YES? I think it is exactly said for me. I was so enlightened. At that very moment, I felt like I have heard the best talk in my life. I know that would change my life. I just know.

And so, I decided to choose another subject over my Economics. I just thought that maybe I have to make a decision and leave the rest to God. If I am wrong, life will surely give me a second chance. I believe that God will help me find my path and keep me on track. Everything just went clear. WOW.

So I decided to drop Economics. I didn't even buy a book for it. I was sure that I am not doing the subject by the first term of year 12. I got my parents to write a letter about me dropping. I've gotten a number of signatures required. Everything was going well. But when it came to the last signature, something came up and it's so not favourable to me. Conflicts regarding the number of units I am doing as well as the difficulties of my subjects all ruined my plan. At the end of the day, I am still doing Economics and there's no way that I can ever get rid of it until I graduate.

Why? I didn't even choose this subject from the very start! Now, it's like it has a strong force that keeps me in and I can't do anything about it. My annoyance went on for hours. My friends got so pissed and maybe they even wished for me to be gone at that instant. I just transformed to a hulk. It's not so good to make me angry you know. I thought I had to make a decision? I went through all the troubles just to find out in the end that I am controlled. I am forced to be in a subject that makes my life harder. It's not a choice after all. It's just an illusion that I had to make a choice.

What is with this subject? What is it that keeps pulling me back every time I try to take the steps to go away? Is this it? Is this God's will? Is this divine intervention?

It is hard to accept. Millions of 'what if's' came up in my head. The stress level I've been experiencing is just killing me everyday. I don't know. I can't understand. But maybe later I can get to take a glance to the picture of my future. Just a glance. I am not asking for a clear one. A blurry image is enough to convince me that at least I have a future. XD

Maybe God has other plans for me. And as I see it now, He doesn't want me to drop Economics. WOW. It was such a trouble. It's for me after all. ♥

I wish

.. everything is back to normal

.. that I do well in my exam tomorrow

.. that I get band 6

.. that there's peace and harmony in my entire family

.. that he knows that I accept him for who he is

.. that we can talk without barriers

.. that I can hear thoughts of other people

.. that I can be a little shy

.. that I can say everything that I want to say

.. that he can talk to me without worrying about anything

.. that he knows it hurts when I get ignored and avoided

.. that time freezes now so I can study more

.. that I won't have regrets after tomorrow's exam

.. that I am granted millions of wishes so everything I just said will come true.

I wish it is that easy.

Birthday 2009

My birthday was fun and different from all the other birthdays I've had. I'm not saying that my past birthdays weren't fun. It's just that this one is different. Firstly, I had 3-day celebration of my birthday. Secondly, I had no school on my birthday. And Lastly, I didn't have a party. ♥

On the 11th of October, my family and I had a long drive to Canberra to see the Floriade. The trip was too long that I got tired even before I've got to see the flowers. But what can I say? All the stress was gone as soon as I laid my eyes on the tulips. They were so beautiful. I never thought that there would be lots of kinds of tulips in the world and appear in different colours. (: My dad got amused on taking photos of the flowers. I got too excited to take pictures of myself with of course the flowers. My younger brother was funny though. He wasn't in the mood for photos. HAHA. I can't blame him. Is there any guy in the world who would like to have a photo with flowers as the background? Where would the toughness be? HAHA.

My mom and I were dying to find a plant shop. What's the purpose of going there without taking some pretty flowers home? HAHA. Unfortunately, they don't sell flower plants. :S We were so sad that we even attempted to just pick flowers from the floriade. HAHA. But of course, my dad was there and he acted so KJ, he didn't even let us pick a single flower. I would want to have one and put it on my ear. HAHA. Fun day.

On my actual birthday, ok here it goes. HAHA. To be honest, I enjoy greeting my friends at midnight of their actual birthday. I mean, I would stay up so late just to greet them and be the first one. (: But there is one fact, no one has actually waited midnight for my birthday ever. Maybe there are some who would wake up so early just to greet me, but not at 12.00am. So, the night before my birthday, I was planning to sleep early since I was too tired from the floriade. And I wasn't expecting anyone to wait until midnight just to greet me.

I headed to my bed at 9.00pm and I was too tired that I just wanted to sleep right away. But I couldn't sleep. Could I be excited? I don't know. I just can't sleep. And the worse thing is, my head is empty. It would have been fine if I can think of something so I can be pre-occupied. But NOTHING. Just when I thought I could be sleeping, that I am maybe half-awake, my moblie phone sang, very loudly :S I must have forgotten to turn it into silent mode. HAHA. Someone messaged me and asked me to wait until midnight!! Can you figure out now why this one is a different birthday? HAHA.

So there you go, my friends greeted me at exactly 12.00am. Not only friends, my brothers too as well as my cousins. Well, the other one greeted me at 2.00am. ==" HAHA. I appreciate every single message. It's just that, why are they all the same? HAHA. But there is odd one out. It looked really familiar. HAHA. It could be similar to a message I myself made before. HAHA. And now was altered and embellished then sent to me!! It was funny and touching. I actually felt special. So, I now know how they feel when I do that to them. ♥

I received a phone call early in the morning. And guess from who? MY GRANDPA in the Philippines!! OMG. I was touched. Then, followed by my other grandpa. And then my other friends. ♥

During the day, I watched a movie with my friends and cousins. We had fun at the mall, doing things that you can do at the mall. HAHA. Arcade, eat, walk around, etc. I received flowers, CARD and cake . HAHA. The card, I think, is bigger than me. And the cake is tiny. HAHA ☻I love everything. I appreciate everything especially the flowers, my favourite. ♥

I spent the night with my family. We had dinner at a restaurant. This scenario was the only thing that is the same with my past birthdays. Whatever happens, I always share a dinner with my family on the night of my birthday. ♥

I had a fun birthday. One person greeted me again up to the last minute of my birthday. I really felt special. HAHA. And that was familiar. I remember doing that to one special person. HAHA. Could I be talking about the same person? I don't know. You figure out for me. HAHA.

And so I slept with a big smile on my face. The next day, I celebrated my birthday with my school friends at the mall. We did the usual stuff - movie, lunch, walk around, sticker photos, etc. HAHA. That was really memorable and I'm not saying why. ☻

Am I forgetting something? Or Have I typed everything? I don't know. I couldn't remember. I just know that this is one of my best birthdays ever. ♥

Birthday wishes: Peace and Love within my family, Good marks in school, BAND 6 YEA!, Good health for my parents and Happiness in life ☺

My Love Is Here

Words, nothing but words
For me to show
How much my love for you unfolds
Through trouble and fears
This love feels so real
And I need you to know
Even though we’re far apart
You’re right beside me in my heart

Chorus:
Don’t you know my love is here?
Don’t you know my love is real?
You should know by now
This much is true
My love is here for you

Time, nothing but time
To make up your mind
I’ll give you all that you need
I want you to know
I’ll never let go
‘Til you come back to me
Even though you’re far away
I’m right beside you day by day

Repeat Chorus

Even though we’re far apart
You’re right beside me in my heart
Don’t you know my love is here?
Don’t you know my love is real (for you)?
You should know by now
This much is true
My love is here for you

♥

Puppy Love Story Part 2

And so, the girl moved to a foreign country. She started to have new friends. She has adjusted to the new culture and new atmosphere. She seemed to be enjoying the new place and eventually she called it "home" instead of a "new place".

The girl then lost her charms. She was no longer the flower that every guy wants. She was just an ordinary girl. Ms. Popular was no longer her title. What a weird world she went into that everything changed. Probably that's the reason why at first she was anti-social. She was so used to not making friends because before people are the ones to approach her. In her new home, she has to do the talking in order to get friends.

All these were okay to her. Eventually, she got used to everything and she even liked it better. Being ordinary is what she wanted now. Why? because she has no enemies. There are no mean girls who always try to make her look bad.

Almost two years had passed and the girl eventually developed a new love. She was so happy that finally there's someone who doesn't care about looks (she's no longer as pretty as she was before). She was enjoying everything associated with this new love. It's like a rebirth to her.

One day, as the girl wanders along a social networking site, the guy from her high school messaged her. She used the chat function of the site to talk to him. The conversation started as the way they used to start it, teasing, laughing and mocking around. In some parts of the conversation, the girl talked about the coincidence of having 3 special guys in her life with the same name. For example, Mark. The guy's name happened to be Mark. The guy asked why is he in the list. He was never special to her. At that very moment, all the confessions happened.

The guy said he was just making up stories about other girls to make her feel jealous and that deep inside, he was still in love with her. He said he was so heartbroken to find out that she was leaving the country and wasn't able to have the opportunity to tell her his true feelings.

The girl told him that she was hurt when he moved away from her and she broke up with her boy friend then. She told him that every time he talks about other girls, she hurts so bad that she would scream and ask for an ice cream. Of course, the guy wouldn't know that because ever since the girl loved ice cream.

The conversation ended as the girl had to do something else. The guy asked for her e-mail address and mobile number. They still hope to be friends after all. At least for the girl, it's pure friendship. For the guy, who knows? He maybe feels something else again.

This is a puppy love story that was never meant to be. What can you do if you are not destined to be together? No matter how you try, you will end up with the one whom you share one fate and one destiny. And in the end, you'll be even happier. Just take into account the girl in the story. ((:

Puppy Love Story

The summer vacation has ended and everyone's excited to go back to school. The students are so excited that they start to give each other never ending phone calls talking about how the vacation went and how excited they are to see each other. Of course, the shops are excited too that they start to rise prices of school supplies as surely there will be lots of people shopping for new ones.

Along with this atmosphere, there's one special girl who we are putting our spotlight on. During the summer vacation, she met guys from her village. The very first time she went out and socialised with people, lots of guys rushed to her and asked for her number. The guys started to court the girl. They flooded her with text messages and calls day and night. They even go pass her house every afternoon. They seemed to be persistent.

One afternoon, the girl received a phone call from one of her close friends. The conversation lasted for more than 2 hours. They talked about summer vacation and of course, the guys. From that conversation, the girl got curious about the feeling of having a boy friend. She let herself wonder about these stuff until the school starts.

First day of school, she was elected as the muse of the class (Muse is supposed to be the prettiest). Almost all of the guys from her class have a crush on her but there were two who were serious. They got her number and started to flood her with calls and text messages. After that, two more guys started to court her.

The girl seemed to enjoy the feeling of having lots of suitors. She loves the feeling of having almost everyone crushing on her. But she was still curious of what's it like to have a boy friend. Like duh, she was a boy magnet since primary school and no wonder there are guys still courting her in high school but she was dying to know and have the feeling of actually having a boy friend.

Out of curiosity, the girl chose a guy to be her first boy friend. The selection process was easy. She just sang a song and whose ever name it stops on, that's her boy friend.

Of course, the guys didn't know about her selection process. Some of them gave up. Some of them got depressed. But there's one who's still beside her. He always does what she wants him to do. He goes with her to the canteen. During lunch when she's busy, she'll have him go to the canteen and buy food for her. When she wants to text her boy friend but she still has a project to do (art project), the guy does it for her and letting her get 97% for a work she barely started and never finished.

This kind of scenario went on as the year goes on. There was once a situation where the girl can't go out of the car because she has to carry two plants for her project and of course her bag and the rain was pouring so angrily and she has no umbrella. Of course, she called him and at once he was there carrying an umbrella and acted like a superman who carried all her stuff while she walked beautifully like a princess.

One night, the girl was troubled that she wouldn't finish all the home works she has. She had to study for quizzes (knowing that her school is for nerds who gives quizzes everyday). Along with this, she had to finish every paper work and ugh drawing. DRAWING!! She can't draw. So, once again, the guy called her and asked her what's wrong. The guy asked her to just sleep while he does her project. WOW. He was such a man.

All these are nothing to the girl. She was immature then that she thinks all these are just for friendship's sake. She didn't think that the guy was in love with her all the time. She was naive. But everyone who doesn't know her thinks she's taking him for granted. And that's what she's basically doing, isn't it?

The guy got hurt as the girl was so "into" her boy friend and eventually he moved away from her. Having all this to happen, the girl realised something. She doesn't know what to do as she realised that she likes him. The girl broke up with her boy friend but she didn't tell anyone but one of her close friends. They kept it as a secret.

As the year goes on and approaches to end, she still likes the guy and she wanted to tell him. But she didn't, she thinks that it would look wrong as the guy might think that he's only a replacement.

One day, the class was so noisy. It sounded like they are teasing someone to approach his crush. The girl got curious and went in her class room. She found out that everyone's teasing the guy to approach his new crush, a girl from the class beside theirs. Silently, the girl was hurt but she pretended to be happy. She joined along with the teasing and eventually she moved away from him.

As the next school year starts, they were no longer in the same class. But every now and then, the guy would go with her to the canteen and have a little talk. The guy would often talk about other girls, knowing that the girl is still with her boy friend. Silently, the girl is hurting so badly.

The school year is about to end and the girl had to say farewell to everyone as she was about to migrate to a foreign country. What a puppy love story that didn't even have the chance to grow.

What to do now

Exams are over yet I couldn't sleep well. Hell weeks are over yet I couldn't go out. It's all over I wonder if we also are?

What to do now? S:

bakit niyo ko iniiwasan? ):

Circles

Going in circles

Nowhere to go

Never ending false hopes

Never ending frustrations

Never ending seeming happiness

This is life

But all is worthwhile

What happens next?

..Can anyone be more random than I am?..

Rainbow

I finally got the result of my trial hsc. I have been through a lot of trouble into preparing for that test. Sleepless nights, well almost. And of course dedication and passion for the subject. I have been in love with this for so many years and I just feel so great of achieving my goal.

I got 92% in the trial hsc which is way better than my goal of at least 90%. I'm ranked 5th among yr 12 and accelerated yr 11 students. It just feels so wow to be at least in top 5. Of course, Paul and Kevin got the top, followed by Andrew then a yr 12 guy ... then me (: The top ten was dominated by year 11 students. I think only 2 or 3 people from yr 12 got in. I couldn't brag about this because the year 12's are going through a lot of pressure, knowing that they're doing other subjects as well.

Last Monday I had an exam as well in which I didn't really have the time to study. I've been so busy and problematic over the weekend that I couldn't even concentrate on my work. Luckily, I've been a great student *wink* in class that I managed to be attentive. I didn't feel the need to cram because I just felt that I am actually ready for it. I finished the practical exam without any worry. It's like Chemistry is a natural thing for me. Everything just falls into the right place (: I heard that I got 37/40 and I ranked 2nd. I haven't seen my paper though, means I haven't checked for extra marks *wink* which is really possible to get because my teacher is such a careless marker d: I wish I can get two more marks to come first. But surely, 2nd is good enough for me. (:

The serious problem that I mentioned in my previous posts gets lighter everyday. The world is treating me fairly and I don't feel depressed anymore. I don't feel any burden or anything close to what I felt almost a week ago. Unfortunately, mood swings are still bothering me, more like of a bother to other people d: Well, I couldn't do anything about it. I've been really mataray/masungit/suplada (snobbish/grumpy) even when I'm in the Philippines. Having been mentioned this, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I am who I am since I was in the Philippines and no one has ever called me an anti-social until I came here. I don't know. Maybe it's because of the cultural differences. Who's pretty in there is just 'ok' here and who's pretty here is 'ugly' there. Completely opposite worlds. WOW! But I oddly love both for sure! (: Where was I? I completely dragged the topic out.

Going back, the feeling I have at the moment is just so light. I can't feel any burden. I am happy. I can easily smile. Another answered prayer, and I am so grateful for all these. (:

I just want to add, I officially burnt the j word and excluded it from my vocabulary. I am so going to avoid it and I will try not to be affected at all. I know, I shouldn't be in denial stage or being like a hypocrite so I am saying that I was j but I will try not be anymore. (: Anyway, I got to thinking that if it's for me, it will find a way to get to me. Here's some more: If you love someone, set him free, if he comes back then he's yours, otherwise he never was; A guy wouldn't care about his admirers if he already admires one special girl. (: I don't need to act the way how I did twice. No one knows how ashamed I am right now, but what's done is done and I couldn't change anything about it. Don't worry, I wouldn't care no more because I don't have the right to. So I guess this is it.

This has been a very pleasant night for me (: WOW the stars are brilliant. The world is just so wonderful, isn't it? hehe. Good night (:

Combined passion and sacrifice can lead to success. ^^,

Update:
I came down to 6th because someone got extra marks and beat me by 1mark. Still good though (: and I got 93% not 92%. <--- Trial HSC
Just today, I found out that I came first, finally, in extension 1 math exam with the mark of 38/39 (:

Angels

I feel so light at the moment though I still couldn't concentrate on my work. But at least I am better. I know that everything will surely be fine and thanks to the angels in my life. (:

I talked to people who make me laugh and thus make me happy. (: It's a good thing that I finally shared it with someone else. (: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

If only you, yes you who's currently reading my blog, include my issues in your prayers, that would be a great help. (:

Thanks for talking when I am lost in words. Thanks for listening when I need an absorber. Thank you.

Problems

When things go wrong, I don't know where to go. I don't know who to talk to. I am completely lost.

I did consult one of my best friends. I even talked to someone I am not so close with but sure has a great mind which I think would help me a lot. But everything still seems to be off the road. It's completely messy. My world is a mess at the moment.

I have a very serious problem that I don't think I can share with anyone. It's very personal that I doubt someone will ever understand. This problem could have been easier to face if it's alone. But no. It comes with all other problems. There's school problems and heartache problems. What shall I do? To whom shall I say all of these? I wish I have more than just my inanimate eeyore friend. I wish I have someone to talk to right now that I don't have to write this entry.

I have been so selfish. I once wished for something. It is granted but it comes with this serious problem. Now I just wish I hoped for the otherwise because if so it could have been well right now. :S I feel so guilty and I don't know what to do. Or is there even something that I can do? Yes, the only thing that is left to me, say a prayer.

I wish I will be sent an angel to enlighten my mind. Along with this serious problem, I hurt myself as well as someone else. I didn't mean to. I have been just so irritable that even the person who I wish to talk to, run away from me. Well, I can't blame anyone. It's just me and my issues and it will always be. :S

Unknown

I've done the trial hsc. I've finished my brochure. I'm about to finish writing my chem notes. Shouldn't I be happy?

I feel so lonely. Is it the silence of the night? or the silence inside of me?

This feeling is unknown. All I know is it's negative. Why do I have to be like this? Sometimes, I hate to be me.

Last Day Off

Today is my last day off. I am hoping to finish writing my notes, practicals and of course the last trial hsc I got. Tomorrow I will be back to school and should be ready for the 2-unit Math exam. On Monday, I will be sitting the second most important exam I am taking this year. On Tuesday, the English assignment is due yet I haven't even started making the plan into a real project. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! I just want to SCREAM!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

:'(

Jealousy

I am always so curious about the word jealousy. It always has been more than just a word to me. This emotion ruins my mood all the time. It is just so powerful that it can turn any nice thing into a disaster. I always wanted to learn how to avoid having this emotion, or at least learn to handle when it strikes. And so I thought of searching for definitions and some ways on how to handle this very unpleasant emotion.

Jealousy - suspicion; is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. Jealousy differs from envy in that jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy refers to something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from acquiring.

Having known the meaning of jealousy, I got to thinking that maybe I am not jealous. How can I be jealous if I don't even possess the things I am afraid to lose? But how can this be envy if no one has the right to own the property?

Now that I have learned this, do I have to search on how to handle it? I am sure that I know deep down what I shall do when jealousy or envy strikes into my mood. Maybe I just have to pray that this will never happen again and ask for forgiveness in having such an unpleasant and disgusting emotion. I should avoid seeing things that provoke this emotion. I should ignore the thoughts and think of something else. And most importantly, I should be quiet and take no hold on the things I am afraid to lose, because once I become possessive that's the time when I don't possess anything at all.

"Live on doubts; it becomes madness or stops entirely as soon as we pass from doubt to certainty."

Yr 11 Retreat

I should have been sleeping right now. I am so tired and exhausted but I felt like I have to write it now while everything is still fresh in my head.

Yesterday, 10th of August, 8:00am, I arrived school for the retreat. I was so excited because it's my first time to go with my school friends away from home. I was always curious how is it like to be sleeping in a cabin with a friend, sharing a meal with them and doing activities together. I know that this would be a memorable experience and it would probably be one of the highlights of my high school life.

We arrived in Mulgoa Edmund Rice at around 10:00 am. The whole group shared a morning tea in the dining area. After that, some physical activities followed. I got so sore after each and every activity. Everything was fun!! (: But the one thing that I will never forget is the one where I had to go on someone's shoulder because I am the lightest in the group. He was jumping and playing around while carrying me!! He's crazy!! I was so scared but still it was fun. I can say that he was the most gentleman in the group (compared to others). I was and am very thankful to those who endured being held in their necks just because I was too scared that I am going to fall. I got to know a lot of people - people whom I never got a chance to talk to. I got even closer to my friends. I can say that this is one experience I will always remember.

The retreat is foodfull :))))) We ate every now and then. I must say that I was impressed with all of the meals. YUMMY!! though I missed eating rice (: lols. The food is one of the things I would miss a lot in this trip. ♥

One highlight of the retreat is the personality test. I had the chance not only to know other people but also myself. I now understand why sometimes things go wrong. I had the time to think over the many conflicts I had with my parents and other people. In the middle of the meditation, there was even a bit where I laughed and said, 'No wonder I like him'.

The result of my personality is this,
'ISFP Introvert Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Refining, quietly friendly, sensitive, kind, modest about their abilities, shun disagreements, do not force their opinions and values on others, usually do not care to lead but are often loyal followers, often relaxed about getting things done because they enjoy the present moment and do not want to spoil it by undue haste or exertion.'

Everybody agreed in the description appeared on mine. I got only one person who has exactly the same result as mine. It just feels nice to get to know myself and to know how other people know me. They say the same thing. I'm quiet. Out of all the people who said things about me, there is one person's statement which I clearly remembers and here it goes,

'Erna is quiet and always nice. Whenever I talk to her, she always smiles because she's always happy which makes me happy as well.'

I remember it because I do not know him well. He is in some of my classes and he used to sit beside me in one of my Science classes but I didn't have the chance to get to know him. I couldn't say anything about him aside from being smart and lame joker. I was just surprised with what he said. I never expected anyone to say anything like that but surprisingly they all said almost the same thing.

In assessing my own self, I found out that from being an extrovert, I turned into being an introvert. There are a lot of stuff that changed in me. I used to be loud. I used to talk to everyone without thinking of what to say. I used to be spontaneous, just go with the flow. Maybe due to some successive events, I now tend to be quiet. Instead of the one being observed, I am the one who now observes. I wonder what they were thinking. I think of the things I should and should not do. I formulate first the thoughts in my head before actually saying it loud. I have changed a lot and I do not know if it's for the better. However, being an extrovert hasn't gone completely in my personality. I sometimes find myself spontaneous and free. These times are the ones I share with my family and friends when I really do enjoy a lot.

In accordance with that personality test, we were taught how to deal with different kinds of people. I now understand why I often have conflicts with my mom. I will now try to apply what I have learned to prevent conflicts between us. In the magical thing, I was really amazed with what was being discussed.

'People's subconscious minds find a partner in life. They choose the one whom they can hold on to in times of downturn and whom they can share upturns with. Usually one's weaknesses are the partner's strengths and one's strengths are the partner's weaknesses. Having been known of the differences, in some areas they share the same qualities where they collide and attract.'

It was amazing. No wonder my mom and my dad are perfect pair!! ♥ No wonder I don't fall for looks. No wonder I fall for someone even without me choosing it. God is so good. He made all of these. (: Now I know that He will certainly give me a perfect partner. I hope I've already known him. (:

To end this novel-like entry, I just want to say, THIS IS ONE OF THE MEMORIES THAT I WILL TREASURE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ♥ I miss being in retreat *sigh*

My Weekend

I started my Saturday by going out with my girl friends. We watched a movie called 'The Ugly Truth'. It was fun! Though it has a lot of foul words, it wasn't too bad. It's funny and really entertaining. I guess I liked it because it's romance ♥ It was the first time I ever watched a movie with my friends from my school. I was never allowed to go because the mall they always wanted to go is way too far from my place. It's a good thing that someone suggested to go to Castle Towers (: because finally I can come. I enjoyed their company. But of course I still reminisced the times that I watched movies with my girl friends in the Philippines. It's totally different but sure all were equally fun (:

I went home at 2:30 in the afternoon after I ate lunch with two of my girl friends since the other two needed to go to the city with their parents. I wanted to sleep because my eyes felt like burning and I was not feeling well. I even thought of not going to the party at night because I didn't think I could still make it. While I was taking a nap, suddenly I heard my mom calling my name and asking me to prepare the gift. Once again, my sleep was interrupted and I couldn't get back to sleep. It's probably the reason why I felt uncomfortable for the rest of the day.

The party was fun. The reaction of the celebrant was so awesome. I will never forget that face ! HAHAHA. The food was great !!! OMG I couldn't get over the beef kaldereta. I know that Tita Divine is awesome in baking but I didn't know that she's an awesome cook too (: I enjoyed everything in that party. The songs played by my brother, Nathan,
Max and Gabsy were great. I enjoyed everything especially the 'Blue Sky'. The hip-hop dance was so cute. I like the kids (: They're so cute. And as usual, they all did a great job (GFK). The dancing in the end has lots of good music but I didn't feel like dancing. HAHAHA. I don't know when will I ever go back to dancing again. I haven't tried since I left the Philippines XD We left the party at around 10.30 in the evening. I wanted to stay but what will I do? I didn't want to dance. It's too cold outside to go and hang out there. Most of my cousins left already. And I didn't want to sit alone and watch the people go crazy on the dance floor. So I went home.

Today, I am planning to clean, write some notes, go to church and pack for retreat. I'm hoping to get everything done. I am so looking forward to having that retreat. I need a break from school. I need to relax. I'm so excited (: but sad too, I'm going to miss my family, some of my friends and my room !! HAHAHA but to avoid home sickness, I'm bringing my eeyore. That's not bad, is it?

That's about my weekend. Got bored? Well it's your time to rejoice because it's over. (:

You'll Be In My Heart ♥

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
cause I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together cause

you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

yes i'll be with you.
cause i'll be there for you always
always and always
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
i'll be there for you always
always

Mixed

Things coming up:

• Eco in-class essay
  
• Academic assembly
  
• Someone's party
• Yr11 retreat
• Trial HSC
• Other assignments due

I had 1hr driving lesson today. It's quite fun. My schedule today has been wrecked by some events so I don't know when I will be able to study. Dress shopping for the party is a possible agenda for today.

I have lots of schoolworks needed to be done as soon as possible. It's a good thing that Phoebe and I shared the responsibility of writing Chemistry notes. (:

I think that's about it. I better get started. bye.

ingatz

Guy Facts

HAHA!Counter-attack!!

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys love flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.

5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

13. Guys don't really have final decisions.

14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

21. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.

28. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

32. Guys are very open about themselves. NOT

33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting.

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40.A GUY FINDS WAYS TO KEEP YOU OFF FROM LINKING WITH SOMEONE ELSE

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts. A guy who loves women in miniskirts are perverts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls.

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl. (reminds me of someone lol)

50. When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.

Girl Facts

This is not mine. I copied this from somewhere and pasted here.

1. Girls like guys with sense of humor.

2. Girls hate guys who always brag about themselves

3. It's a rare thing for girls to go for flings unlike many guys do.

4. Take a closer look at this paradox: Girls are generally impulsive buyers but are good in budgeting.

5. Too sweet girls are actually the naggers.

6. Your girlfriend can either jokingly or seriously get jealous over your basketball games.

7. Girls are very suspicious human beings.

8. A guy oughta understand his girl's mood swings especially when she has her monthly period.

9. Girls love to chat about anything.

10. Girls easily get carried away by their emotions.

11. You must tell a girl that you are courting her. Unless you make an obvious proposal, she could either play numb of your feelings for her.

12. The girl who gives you quick "yes" could either be too impulsive.

13. A girl's decision is always changeable.

14.It is really hard to trace why girls are unpredictable.

15.Girls can easily change their mind because of hearsays.

16.Girls hate guys who gossip.

17.You would know that a girl likes you if she laughs even at your corniest joke even pays attention at your nonsense talk.

18.You can hook a girl by knowing her interests.

19.It is a fact that girls, since the birth of the world, can be professional flirts using their magical charms.

20.Girls hate it when you make them wait.

21.Girls love babies.

22.If you're truly in love with a girl, you will have a hard time to convince her telling so.

23.Girls don't take a full meal especially when they are on a diet. But they love to eat junkfood, sweets or fruits in between meals that can double up a full meal.

24.Beware: a girl knows how to persuade you that you could do her a favor though her charisma or seductive body language without knowing it.

25.Girls are flattered when you make them melt in your eyes, but they would do anything just to show disapproval.

26.Girls are very conscious people.

27.Girls hate guys who whistle at their back. The act makes them look like cheap.

28.Girls hate guys who hurt them physically.

29.A girl is not necessarily after a guy with towering height. He just has to be taller than she is.

30.Girls generally do not court guys which make you guys so lucky to have their privilege to court your pick.

31.Girls who court guys are desperate. It is awkward to see a girl courting a guy.

32.Girls usually compete unconsciously among themselves especially when it becomes to beauty.

33.Girls love pampering and being pampered by their boyfriends. So be careful, this can lead her to be possessive.

34.Never spoil a girl. Someday, if you fail to do a favor for her, she could lay the blame on you after all you did to her.

35.Girls have changeable moods.

36.Girls love being serenaded. The spookiest and the corniest thing that you do is for her the most romantic and most memorable.

37.Girls like smart guys.

38.Girls like neat and presentable guys.

39.If you're thinking that girls are very particular with a guy's looks, then it's time for you to make a paradigm shift. It's actually the attitude and the way you treat them that they mostly fall for.

40.Girls can keep their deepest darkest secrets for a lifetime unlike guys who are very open about themselves.

41.Girls are the ones who can make a relationship stay longer but they don't want to have the dominating character over their boyfriend.

42.You should let her cool first before you say sorry, otherwise she won't accept your apology.

43.Girls usually go for older guys.

44.Like Eve, a girl is man's weakness.

45.Girls are generally pitiful and merciful.

46.Girls are physically weaker than guys but are emotionally stronger when problem arise.

47.Girls easily cry. That's why they are rarely violent because they ventilate themselves through crying.

48.A girl smokes and drinks though she knows it's not a good impression on her.

49.Girls love gentlemen.

50.Girls like guys who can protect and defend them. You don't have to be macho
man though.


I might agree on some (highlighted) but I might say this is ancient. lol It's very common and it's not even funny.

Holidays

To-Do List:

• Get as much hours of sleep as possible
• Relax
• Go on MSN once in a while
• Finish 12(12 as in 12 papers!!) Trial HSC Math Papers (takes 3hrs each)
  
• Finish writing up Physics and Chemistry Practicals
• Finish Chemistry Syllabus Dot Point summary
• Finish English Essay
• Start on English Assignment
• Finish the Assignment Plan in Economics
• Revise on Physics and Chemistry (Review Questions)
• Go out and at least watch a movie
• Enjoy
• July 17 - Lola's arrival from Phils; GABSY's BDAY

(: I'm going to be super busy during the holidays. There seems to be a lot of works to be done yet too little time given. awww. Anyway, I've done 2 Trial HSC and so far I have gotten fair sleep and I have relaxed a bit. SCHOOL WORKS OMG!!

OMG!!

There are numerous cases of swine flu here and it's all around me!! I don't want to get it. huhuhu :'(

I know it is like any other flu but it's still deadly and I don't want to take the risk!! LOCK DOWN THE SCHOOLS!!! hahaha

or relocate to place where there is no flu!!

OMG!!

Welcome Back

These are the two words I wanted to hear when I came home last night. Luckily, some people said it so. Otherwise, I will totally feel unloved.

Before I come into melodramatic mode, I would like to share my experience in Adelaide. It was so fun. Adelaide is a very peaceful place and I would love to visit it again someday.

I went there to give my mom company and to help her in her work. The last thing I planned to do was to shop and loiter around. Luckily, I somehow saw the place and bought some stuff. The first day was alright. We went into meetings here and there. I loitered around and had some photos taken. We slept at 1am because we have to set up the venue for the next day's event. The second day was awesome because I got to sleep for longer hours. The event was successful and I nearly died from laughing. The show by the way is 'Poohmarhada sa Adelaide' with Pooh, Marissa Sanchez and Radha. If you are wondering why I nearly died, well they are some of the best comediennes in the Philippines. I worked as an asherette, the one who assists people to their seats. The people are kind of annoying. They got angry at me for bringing them to their seats lol!

'Why do you lead me here?'

'Uhm? Because it's your seat?'

'I don't like this seat!'

'But it's what you paid for'

OMG!! But it's alright. I got every difficult person turned over to my mom or to Tito Romel. haha!

The last day was stressful because we had to quickly pack up and check out at 10am from the hotel. Imagine, we slept super late because of the event and then they expect us to wake up early. WHHAAATTT?!?!?! And so we did. We just went to Harbour Town and loitered around. We bought some stuff and that's it. I was bored from waiting for our flight and scared as well. I hate airplanes.

Now is the turning point. I will switch to melodramatic mode. Why do I have to say this? lol

When I was about to leave, I felt so heavy. I've been feeling the same thing for the past few days. I don't know why. I admit I kind of know what it is. I just don't want to accept that I am going crazy over this 'stuff'. I feel like I am in a silent war. Why do people ignore me nowadays? I don't think I deserve to be treated this way. They don't know what the feeling of messaging someone and having no response at all. It's like you waved at someone and that someone snobbed you just like that. OMG!! I don't get it, I really don't. There are ways to reply - a lot of ways. It is just so obvious that I am ignored. And I hate to see and feel it myself. I wish I don't have to see it. I wish I'm numb so I wouldn't feel anything. Is there any problem? It looks like there is.

Being ignored like this triggers my anti-social mode. I feel like ignoring everyone as well. I feel like not sending anything at all. Anyway, I wouldn't get anything but frustration and disappointment. Once is enough, 3-4 times is way too much! Giving someone a gift and not getting anything in return is more than okay. I don't expect anything in return when I send gifts but I certainly do when I send messages. It is like I'm opening a conversation and that someone immediately ended it without even starting it. GRRRRRR

I don't really know. I have mixed emotions. Maybe I just miss them so much that it annoys me a lot when they ignore me. I wanted to talk to them. I wanted to know how they are doing. But too bad, I'm ignored.

I'm ignored.

It's Over

Two weeks of torture is over. I don't have to call the calculator as my best friend, thinking that it may betray me during the exam if I don't. The periodic table of elements is no longer my second best friend. I don't have to deprive myself from the things I'm used to be doing. Above everything, I don't have to wake up so early and have breakfast while reading notes.

Is that it? Is it really over? I can't believe it.

Before the exams, I keep on saying

"I will go out after exams! I'll sleep as long as I want!"

But now that it is finally over, I don't know where to start. It is like as if I never lived for two weeks. There are millions of things I want to do and I don't know which one to prioritize. Plus, my body doesn't respond to what I want to do. For example, at this very moment, I want to get as much sleep as possible, thinking that I can make up the hours I missed. But look what I'm doing right now, sitting in front of this computer and typing this entry. How annoying is that?

I don't know if it is a relief or a burden. Every night, I keep on thinking if I did well. What if I get C's? What if I fail Physics? What if I don't make it to top 3 in Extension? What if it's no longer possible for me to do 4-unit next year? What am I going to do? This anxiety is worse than staying up late or waking up so early. It is something I can't control. Sometimes I even dream about it. I know. I am paranoid.

On the bright side, I can do some of the things that I somehow ignored before. That 'thing' is alright now, I guess. It is better this way. I will give it another try, in a different approach. Being friends first is much better, getting-to-know stage. Plus, it can't bloom yet, the time is not right. Plain friendship at the moment.

I can go to parties now. My mom no longer needs to answer questions like

'Where are your kids?'

'Studying? Always studying?'

'Studying? Or they're just on facebook?'

HAHAHA. Now I can stay in Parramatta or Blacktown after school. I can stop keeping myself away from the computer. I can watch TV!!!!!! (like I didn't during exams?lol) I can see my cousins again after a very long time. I'm free!!! It's great! OMG I remembered something.

I found someone really cute, even cuter than Chris Tiu. HAHAHA. I have a new crush! Bye Chris Tiu, I'm sorry. LOL.

*sigh*

ENCHONG DEE!!

It's alright to have a crush. After all, half-yearly exams are over. (:

Just Few Questions

Why would you expect someone to confess to you if you yourself don't have the courage to do so?

How would you know what it means without even asking?

How can you do that - assume and conclude like as if you are the only one to consider?

How can you act like a girl, expecting someone to show you what you want to see?

And how can you not be so patient, courageous and man enough to understand what is going on?

Just a few questions I would like to throw. It's annoying how these things go wrong especially when I didn't (I think) even do anything.

If you think these questions are not for you, then fine I'm done with this.

LSS - Dahil Ikaw

Yea I know it's ancient now. lol but still nice :))
______________________________________
Sa piling ba niya ikaw ay
May lungkot na nararamdaman
Damdamin mo ba'y hindi maintindihan
At sa tuwing ako ang
Nasa iyong isipan
May nakita ka ba na ibang kasiyahan
Refrain:
Nandito lang ako
Naghihintay sa iyo
Na mapansin ang aking damdamin
Na para lang sa iyo (oohh...oohhh...)

Chorus 1:
Dahil ikaw ang sigaw ng puso ko
Ikaw ang nasa isip ko
Ang nais ko ay malaman mo
Na ikaw ang tanging pangarap ng buhay
Pag-ibig ko sa iyo ibibigay
Nais ko ay malaman mo (wooh...woooh...wooh...)
Na mahal kita
Sa piling ba niya ikaw ay
May sakit na nararamdaman
Damdamin mo ba ay sinasaktan
At sa tuwing ako ang
Nasa iyong panaginip
Na tayong dalawa masayang magkapiling

(repeat refrain & chorus 1)

Sana'y pagbigyan ang nadaramang ito
Sana masabi mo na mahal mo rin ako

Chorus 2:
Dahil ikaw ang sigaw ng puso ko
Ikaw ang nasa isip ko
Ang nais ko ay malaman mo
Na ikaw ang tanging pangarap ng buhay
Pag-ibig ko sa iyo ibibigay
Nais ko ay malaman mo (wooh...woooh...wooh...)
Na mahal kita (ikaw ang sigaw ng puso)
Na mahal kita (ikaw ang nasa isip ko)
Na mahal kita (ikaw ang sigaw ng puso)
Na mahal kita (ikaw ang nasa isip ko)

What can I say

It's funny. Something happened and I just have been myself once again, crazy and irrational. I told myself I wouldn't care whatever the truth is. What a hypocrite am I? First, I should have ignored it if I really don't care. It's so annoying. I betrayed myself. Second, I shouldn't look if I want to pretend that I really don't care. GRRR. But why am I doing this? I'm just being irrational. So, once again, I just dropped it. I can't understand my thinking and that's why no one can tell what I'm up to. And to end all this conflict within myself, I just let it pass. Anyway, I'm really sorry.

The pressure is on me. It's massive that I couldn't even focus on what I'm supposed to be doing. I should finish loads of sheets in Math, Physics and Chemistry. I have to have constant revision in everything otherwise I'm going to lose everything. I have to practice Economics. I have to finish writing my speech by Monday. How can I handle all these? I really want to do good. But what if my body couldn't respond to the best of my ability? I don't know.

imy

I couldn't care less

Exams

It is a dreadful night for me. I feel like I have to write everything. lol

I have Chemistry, Physics and Economics to revise on. It's all hard subjects and I need to dedicate time in each of those. I have to have balance in everything. Otherwise, it would be nothing. My good mark will be pulled down by the crap one.

I have three exams in Math. This time, I have to do well in each and every test, even in those that doesn't even count towards my HSC. My teacher said that we are REQUIRED to do well. Otherwise, we are not worthy of accelerating. Ouch.

I have a speech in English for our half-yearly. It is ok for me. Delivery would be chicken wings but the writing would be hard. Good luck 3z (:

I'm taking the knowledge test tomorrow. I'm excited to get the licence. I'm not going to learn how to drive though. Maybe some other time, when I'm ready (:

I wish everything will go well. Of course I have to put effort into everything. AND OH!!! I'm going to Adelaide on July 2. ((: I'm excited ((: Wii!!

..if ever i'm getting it the right way, you are special indeed (: just thought everyone should see the song. it's nice (:

Driving

Why do people must learn how to drive? It is like a part of one's life to follow the same steps as everyone else - L's, P's, Full. Why can't people have a choice not to? I mean, why should everyone in the legal age get a driver's licence? Why can't one survive without knowing how to run a mobile car? It's so annoying. Surely, someone will say that everyone has a choice to say 'No'. But do you think he will survive? NO. lol. One SHOULD. It is part of 'independence'.

I wish I can just hire a driver all my life. I don't want to drive. I'm scared of putting my life on risk, as well as other people's. It is so frightening.

I always think of what they always say:

'The road is the stairway to heaven...'

Creepy, it is.

01.05.09

Two weeks of Term 2 has passed and so many things happened along the way. I may have done the right thing, or the opposite. I'm not sure of everything. I'm lost.

My Math is going really good. I'm almost satisfied with the marks I'm getting. Meaning, I've worked hard for them. I did my best and the feeling is just so indescribable.

My English hasn't gone any better. I think it even becomes worse after each time. It's a good thing that I wasn't advised to drop Advanced or else I don't know how to swallow the embarrassment and of course the self-disappointment. I'm just right, a normal Advanced student. I'm actually near the bottom. I came 41st out of 84 students. I told you I'm just normal, or average rather.

Physics is interesting. But I don't think I'm getting the marks I really want. I know I can do it. But why don't I? It is weird. How do I fight myself? I consider 2 contradicting thoughts, which I both accept as right. This is how irrational I am. I know.

Chemistry is the same. I can't elaborate how I used to love this subject. This is my first love. This is everything I used to focus on. I guess I lost the track now. I can't understand myself. No wonder other people can't read me nowadays. I'm too confusing, annoying.

Economics became one of my loved subjects. It's natural. I don't have to stay up late or to exert extra effort to do well in it. I enjoy doing everything about Economics which I think is the reason why I don't consider any work as 'extra'. Everything is just right. Amazing :)

My school life is a cycle. Everything is rolling and keeps on coming back. It's like as if history repeats itself. I don't learn from my past mistakes. I keep on doing the same thing every time. But I'm not going to give up. I know I can do it. :))

Let's just keep it this way. I don't want to add something that may or may not offend someone in any sense and in any case. Sometimes, things go wrong even before it start moving. It's just up to me to mend everything I wrecked.

What can I do now to make things better?

Temporary

Everything in the world seems so unsure. Everything can change in a snap. Things pass so fast that one hardly keeps track of it.

Yesterday, I want my hair to be short. Now, I want to grow it up to my behind. I wonder what would I like it to be tomorrow.

Yesterday, I wanted to be doctor. Now, I'm considering being an accountant instead. I wonder what I will turn out to be in the future.

Yesterday was fine. Will it be the same tomorrow?

Yesterday, I have no idea who you are. Now, there's something unidentified. Tomorrow, what would it be?

Whatever happens, everything has to move forward. It's sad that things change and sometimes without even giving notice, not too sure if it's really for the better.

I was sleeping so tight. Why did I wake up like as if I had a nightmare?

Everything here is temporary. Now, I'm confused with this idea and the idea of destiny. Am I playing with time? Am I challenging my fate? Am I? or Am I not?

If only I have a time machine so that I can have a glimpse of tomorrow, so that I can be prepared. What do I have now that I don't in the future? What else will change? What am I going to lose? or gain rather?

Temporary. What an ugly word.

Stupid for You

by Marie Digby

It's not everyday
That I meet a person quite like you
Perfect every way
I finally found the nerve to confess that it's you - that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you..
Oh, oh stupid for you.. (Repeat)

The proper thing to do
Is for me to act like a lady and wait
For you to make the first move

But I don't think you're getting the point
That it's you - that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you
Oh, oh stupid for you

Why's it always feel like I am
Chasing love when nothing's there
And here I go just making the same mistakes...

I've fallen stupid for you..
oh, oh stupid for you..
oh, oh, oh, oh

Where do I go

by Marie Digby

[VERSE 1]
Twenty-thousand miles from the place I call home
Twenty somewhat years since the day I was born
And I'm searchin
I'm still searchin for answers
People often told me to choose a different road
This one can get ugly
Twist and turns to just grow old but I'm walking
I don't care if I'm walking alone

[CHORUS]
And I'm screaming into the dark
Searching for an answer
Where do I go from here

[VERSE 2]
I, I don't know where I'm headed
Or if this is just a big mistake
But somethin's tellin me
That falling down is a chance
I'll just have to take

[VERSE 3]
And I, I'll get on the bus
And put down my bags
And take a final glance
At the only home I've known
At the only hold I've ever known

[CHORUS]
And I'm screaming into the dark
Searching for an answer
Where do I go from here

[BRIDGE]
All of my life
I've been so cultural
But I always knew
That there'd come a day
Where I'd have to get out
Get out

[CHORUS]
I'm screaming into the dark
Searching for an answer
Where do I go from here
Here

[VERSE 4]
And I'm standing still
But I can't catch my breath
Or running fast as I can
But going nowhere
Where do I go from here

GRRR

I canceled my account in friendster, again. I was so annoyed that I have to add my friends again. I couldn't be bothered to do so and I just canceled it.

One of my friends said that her account is broken. She can't view her profile. It's obviously same as mine. I helped her to fix it. I told her to go on safe mode and delete the last comment she approved because that's the bug. She did exactly what I said and now her account is all good. I'm so happy that I helped her but I feel sorry for the fact that I wasn't able to help myself because I was so impatient.

Now I realised something. Why is that it's so easy to fix someone else's problems? Why is it that it seems so easy to give advises and inspiring words to other people? But when it comes to my own, it seems like I don't even know how to start solving them? It's so annoying.

Anyway, I think I just have to be patient and avoid making decisions when emotional because I know those are all wrong moves. grrrrrr. I knew it but I can't stop doing it.

My ♥s

♥♥♥♥♥♥ mwaaaaa

Happy

I finished at 2pm. :)) My family went to Easter Show and it's so fun. My parents bought me eeyore, piglet and tigger soft toys and a BIG EEYORE too. :)) I'm so happy. They didn't get me a pooh and the balloons because that will be too much according to them. BUT STILL I'M SUPER HAPPY.

I didn't go on rides because I'm scared. We just watched the shows and exhibitions. Unfortunately, the rain poured so heavily and we just went home. That's sad because I wanted to see the fireworks and laser finale. *sigh* That's life.

Anyway, this is a very fun day :) And I'm not working tomorrow. YEY!

Ingatz

Everything Has a Purpose

Life is unfair. Bad things always happen to good people. Shower of rain would always ruin a sunny day. A calm and quiet being would suddenly be bothered with awful thoughts that he could barely stand.

Why do these happen? There must be a valid reason otherwise life would find no meaning.

Of course there is, or there ARE rather. Bad things usually happen to let people learn from failures and mischief. Rain washes everything in preparation for a sunny bright tomorrow. Noise would always interrupt to keep a calm and quiet being in motion. Everything was meant to do good in our lives. It's just us who keep on looking at the negative side.

Happiness is a choice and destiny is a choice. I know we can't play with time. And no one has the control of it. But everyone has a choice to be happy and hold on for what he believes in.

Mind vs Heart. Silly! If one follows the heart, he'll end up crying. If one follows the mind, he'll find no happiness. It should be in between. And all these bad things happen to find the right place at the right time, where the mind and the heart meet. :))

Everything has a purpose and tomorrow will be a sunny day. Savour the moment and just be happy.

If you are for me, then let it be. If you decide to go, remember to close the door gently. haha. How do you conclude something which didn't even start?

Easter Sunday

What a wonderful day to start with. I received a golden Easter bunny from my parents. It's so sweet. It goes with a note. WOW! This is great. I thought I'll have the worst day today because I ended my day yesterday as WOW I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I had a nice day. I spent it with my family in the park, biking, sound tripping, playing badminton and FOOD tripping. :) It's so fun. We went church and heard an inspirational homily from the Priest. It's so nice.

'This is a time for hope'

We were about to go bowling but we were so tired that we just canceled it. Plus, my brother and I have work tomorrow at 10 in the morning and we would like a sound and COMPLETE sleep. LOL I don't want to be a zombie anymore. Too bad, it will take time to get rid of huge eye bags and drowsy eyes. LOL

Have I mentioned that this is a very great day? LOL SUPER.

Sayonara!!

I hope you're fine. Enjoy your day and Ingat lagi. I'm sorry for everything. Just drop it.

First Day

I was so tired. Even though I just worked as a host(the one who takes orders). I thought it's so light that I wouldn't get tired. OMG! That was a silly thought to have.

I am so so so so TIRED!! :(( I didn't even finish my shift. I worked for less than 4 hours instead of 5. I even complained because I wanted to work more. But NO! It's alright. If I stayed there for longer hours, I would be dead right now. Come on. This is my first work. I'm so exhausted. I'm so tired and I'm so scared for tomorrow.

HAHAHA! It's so funny. I think my English will improve here. :)) haha Actually, I'm learning different languages. One lady asked for a 'serviette'. I looked like a d*mb person, not knowing what she's saying. Who knows what that is? HAHAHA. My cousin said it's tissue. COME ON!! SERVIETTE is SPANISH. The girl even asked, "Don't you know what a serviette is?" How would I know? hahaha.

It's so embarrassing. I don't usually speak English in front of my cousins or whomever. Now I didn't have a choice. I have to. haha! Anyway, this is a great experience. BUT I'M SO TIRED!!!!

****OMG!!! CHRIS TIU IS TOP 4 in Philippines' Sexiest Men****

Hay Nako..

Owl..Happy Easter!! Ingatzzz * **** **** *** :)) Good night

OWL PLEASE READ

After school, I forgot to do something really important. I can't believe it.

Anyway, are you going school tomorrow? PLEASE!!!! SAVEEEEE MMEEEE!! I know you're really nice. HEHEHE. I know you are. :))

What I am saying is simply this, can you get my review sheets from my friend tomorrow? PLEASE. I posted this because you're not online.

Just so you know, I waited for you. But you still didn't go online. One hour has passed and still nothing. :( I'm sad.

Well, SALAMAT TALAGA though I'm still sad for the fact that you didn't go online. grrrrrrrrrr

Where were you?

Anyway, I don't think I should still care about that matter.

SALAMAT at INGAT :))

Filipino-English

Here are some of my favourite Filipino words/phrases which I usually use:

• Ingatz - Take care
• Salamat - Thank you
• Hay nako - it's just an expression. it's like a sigh.
• grrrr - it's actually an onomatopoeia. normally said when I'm annoyed/angry/not so happy
• musta ka? - How are you?
• Musta araw mo? - How was your day?
• Ano gawa mo? - What u doin?
• Sino toh? - Who's this?
• Ano? - What?
• Bakit? - Why?

HAHAHA.. some of these were just made up.. I just started to use these because I'm lazy enough to say the words fully so I made shortcuts. People can still understand it anyway and many of them do the same thing. :))

ingatz

Silence

People seem to be busy these days. My dashboard says the same thing every time I log in. I don't know why I keep on logging in though. It's like I want to write something but I'm not inspired enough and I'm too tired to think of a nice topic. Surprisingly, I thought of just saying how deafening the silence here in blogspot. No one seems to be inspired to write about something, or maybe everyone is infected with the disease. NOOOO!! I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to spread out the laziness.

How I wish I can hear from people again. It's so amusing to get into other people's minds. It's really interesting to explore another cage full of thoughts that may differ to what I have. It seldomly happens that I have someone's brain functioning like mine, or at least close enough. There's really something in my head that even I can't explain. Sometimes I just end up throwing irrational decisions and moves. People get confused and sometimes annoyed with the attitude I have. Luckily, though I'm irrational, I'm too predictable. It's hard to understand but easy to predict. I have no idea if people can still catch up with what I'm saying. I just thought, is it really possible to be too predictable yet too hard to understand?

In my life, there are really few people who can catch up with me. Some people get annoyed with how I talk and sometimes with how I act. Don't blame me. It's not my fault to be born with a seeming serious face. It's funny how people call me anti-social and 'they' say I'm always sad. That's so not true. I always laugh when something's funny. Too bad, 'they' throw lame jokes that's why I wasn't amused. LOL!

Where will this thing go? I don't know. I'm too random. Just try to catch up. I will smile if I feel like doing so. My smile is expensive. LOL! Kidding aside, my smile is true. It's always true. I don't smile just for the sake of smiling. I smile with my heart smiling. :)) ♥

This is great. It refreshes my mind and I think I am more than ready to start doing my home works. Silence! Oh Silence! Please write something. I want to read your thoughts. I have to know what's running in there.

Ingatz

IT STRIKES AGAIN grr

NOOOO!!

I'm too lazy. I couldn't be bothered to do revision for my test tomorrow. I still have loads of homeworks in Chemistry and English. *sigh*

Does anyone know what drug can I take to get rid of this disease? I'm infected. lol

LAZINESS LEAVE ME ALONE!!

Sa Aking Pag-iisa

Madalas ako'y nag-iisa at hindi malaman kung ano ang gagawin.

Madalas ika'y sumasagi sa aking isipan at aking napagtatanto kung ano ba itong nangyayari sa akin.

Ngayon ako'y sumusulat sa ibang wika upang ito ay maging isang malaking misteryo na kailanman hindi mo mauunawaan. Hiling ko lang na huwag ka nang mabahala pang tuklasin kung ano ang aking ibig sabihin.

Ako ngayon ay nag-iisa at hindi malaman kung paano magsisimula sa aking mga gawain. Ngayon ako'y tila isang magnet na hindi mawalay sa kompyuter na ito.

Ngayon wala na akong maisip. Nais ko nang masimulan ang aking sanaysay sa Ingles at ang aking mga gawain sa Sipnayan, Pisika at Kemistri.

Hanggang sa muli. :)) Ingat

Addiction

I should be doing school works now. BUT I CAN'T RESIST!!!

LOL

I'm addicted to Marie Digby. OMG!! I love her music. Everything is just so perfect. Perfectly fits the music that I like. OBVIOUSLY!!

I'm overjoyed. haha!

Just go with the flow..

This thing which I don't know what to call is stressing me out, whether I like it or not.

I used to refer to it as a game. I no longer use that term. For some reasons, I don't think it is just like that.

It brings the worst of me. And at the same time, the best out of me.

It stretches my patience and challenges my strength.

This is the thing that can make me happy even when I'm in my worst mood.

So I just decided to just go with the flow and look what will it turn out to be.

Ok I have to go church now. Two hours of preparation. lol

Confusions

Freedom is what I used to desire to have. Now, is this it? Am I free? Until when?

Certainty, Honesty and Loyalty. These are the things I long to be offered.

There are reasons why I hate games:

1. I don't know how to play.
2. I don't know the rules.
3. I don't like the idea of winning or losing.
4. I hate proving myself to anyone.

However, there are certain games that I like namely Hide 'n Seek, Dodge ball, etc. These are games which are so-called street games or kids' game, so much fun that I want to be a child forever. Why?

1. I can do whatever I want, without being condemned for a mistake, because I am just a child.
2. I can play the things happily without getting further wounds aside from scratches or even stitches.
3. There are infinite number of players who can play the game. It's not limited to two people.

Sometimes, I ponder if all the games are the same. Are the rules applicable to everything? If so, then why can't I play some of them?

Reminiscing

The moment I wake up, I have the control of my travel time, for jeepneys and tricycles are everywhere. I can be on time even though I am running late.

The moment I have free periods, I can sleep and go wherever I want as long as I will be back on time. As soon as the bell has gone, I can just go home without looking at a timetable and check when's the bus coming.

The moment that I can just replace the ID card with a cellphone bag, hanging through a lace on my neck. I can just wear jeans or jazz pants during Sports Day and bludge every activity that I don't like.

The moment that I go often to Ever Gotesco and have fun with my friends in the arcade or photo studios.

The moment that I can just bum around in McDonald's until 5pm, knowing that I can still make it to arrive home before 6.

The moment when I have someone to carry my bag and save me from further stress. And buy me street foods namely isaw and fishballs.

The moment when someone is willing to wait for me just to make sure I go home safely.

The moment when someone knows what to do if I'm sad without me saying what I really want.

The fun times I had in my homeland. How I wish I can have a glimpse of yesterday, just one more time. Although I know there's no coming back, I still wish to see the same old faces I used to love.

How I wish I could turn back time and watch how happy I was there. Then, play it forward again to see how happier I have become now. Really? I'm not sure though.

Something inside me changed a lot. I can no longer be myself most of the time. I usually wear a mask and it's hard to keep that. Sometimes, I just want to scream and shout out the thoughts that I keep, caged and locked. Sometimes, I just want to go back, where I can laugh the way I used to laugh, I can play how I used to play, I can say everything I want to say, and I can be whatever I want to be.

I'm not used to having this face, frowned and serious most of the time. I hate this face for it gives me the feeling of being alone and selfless. How I wish I can always smile because someone is causing me to do so, or something rather.

Thank God for giving me my family, for whenever I'm with them, I'm ensured that I haven't completely lost myself. I can still see the same me even for a little amount of time in a day.

How I wish I can go back and remember how I kept myself happy most of the time, so that I can be that same old person I used to be.

25th March Diary Entry

I didn't do any homework.

MATH is my only subject. lol.

I have to finish everything tonight. Tomorrow, I'll be checking the answers and I'll be doing the 2008 Year 12 half-yearly exam in preparation for the test on Friday.

It's funny how I find a time to even write this blog.

I guess I have to do something to get rid of this annoyance.

I felt like I hate the world. I'm so pissed off.

Why do people have twisted minds? It's not always about one thing.

I have a life and obviously my world doesn't revolve on boys.

As you can see, I'm not into them. And please I'm not a lesbian just because I'm saying this. I just have priorities and they're obviously not in the list.

GRRRR

The entries I got here may be misleading you. Don't take it literally. Sometimes I can be pertaining to something else or someone else.

It very seldomly referring only to one thing. One entry can mean a lot of things.

So if I alter something in my name, it's not always about him. It's not always about ♥. I don't even have a ♥life.

GRRRR

I'm really pissed off.

Don't talk to me if I won't get anything relevant from you. I hate insensitive people.

Anti-social. Stranger. Snobbish. Call me whatever you want.

Happy?

♥ All About ♥

You have entered my heart through a door.

Someone in the past has entered and slammed it when he left.

This time, feel free to stay and take care of the room.

But when the time comes that you will have to leave, can I just ask you to close the door gently?

..Because I might get hurt.

Please

Thanks :P

A Frog Story

A frog competition is held in the Frog palace.

All the frogs are eager to win the race. It is to climb a wall, too high for such creatures to reach.

The race began with enthusiasm in everyone's face. Surely, no one at that point thought of giving up.

However, the weather seemed too unfriendly at that moment and the rain decided to shower upon them.

All the frogs found it hard to take even one step upwards and finish the race.

Everyone in the crowd shouted and booed the frogs.

'BOO! You can't do it!! It's impossible!! Just give up!!'

One by one, the frogs started to fall. They must have swallowed their courage and confidence.

Everyone in the race didn't have the determination to finish the race but one.

This one tiny little frog kept on climbing and endeavored the heavy shower of rain. The crowd kept on discouraging the frog.

'You are so tiny!! What are you doing? Do you want to die? hahaha!'

Still, the frog continued climbing the wall.

Finally, sweet success has come and the frog reached the top.

Everyone seemed so shocked to see a tiny little frog to finish such a big race.

What a big race for a tiny little creature?

One of the members of the crowd then asked the frog,

'How did you do it? Everyone's telling you to back off'

The frog just gave a blank face yet sweet considering it's so tiny. (imagine a little frog looking at you.. how cute) haha!

They found out that the tiny little frog is DEAF. It didn't hear the discouragement everyone has given. It didn't know that he was asked to back off. It just knew that he has to finish and reach the top.

_________________________________________

Sometimes, I just want to be DEAF so that I can continue reaching my goals and ignore the bandits who keep on trying to steal my dreams.

To Come to an END

I can't wait until these hell weeks come to an end.

I'm such a failure.

I sacrificed my sleep and my free time to do stuff and yet I wasn't able to do them properly.

Maybe something is wrong with me.

Math test is coming so soon. Review questions, so many topics, all to be done as soon as possible. Too many confusions. Too many questions. Yet little period of time provided.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm a bit bigger, would that make a little difference?

I just thought that this is too much for little erna to handle. :))

I couldn't wait.. ugh!! FRIDAY!!!! SATURDAY!!!!!

***mata***

Waiting for you

You are the one I'm waiting for.

..the one I want to talk to

..the one I want to see everytime

..the one to take care of me

..the one I trust

..the one who turns my world upside down

..the one who thinks about my safety

..the one who will never attempt to hurt me

..the one who will never play me around

Big problem - I'm waiting for you.. not too sure who you are.. not too sure where you are

Just waiting. Maybe someday you'll come out.

Love : Not a Game?

If love is not a game, then why do I often hear people say about 'WINNING' or 'LOSING'?

If love is all about the feelings, and not the external world, why is there such thing as competition?

If it is not a game, why do I feel like someone's playing me?

If he just wants to use me, not sure about that term though, to prove his worth. to show that this time he will win... then find another girl who is willing to play around.

If love is not a game, why does age matter? Again, is it interrelated to winning and losing part? who will be the superior? who's the boss?

If love is not a game, why do I feel like I'm just gambling all my life?

There's no competition. Maybe it's just the other people who think that there is.

I'm tired of playing. Wrong. I never play because I don't know the game.

I'm tired of being played. That's a better one.