Reminiscing

The moment I wake up, I have the control of my travel time, for jeepneys and tricycles are everywhere. I can be on time even though I am running late.

The moment I have free periods, I can sleep and go wherever I want as long as I will be back on time. As soon as the bell has gone, I can just go home without looking at a timetable and check when's the bus coming.

The moment that I can just replace the ID card with a cellphone bag, hanging through a lace on my neck. I can just wear jeans or jazz pants during Sports Day and bludge every activity that I don't like.

The moment that I go often to Ever Gotesco and have fun with my friends in the arcade or photo studios.

The moment that I can just bum around in McDonald's until 5pm, knowing that I can still make it to arrive home before 6.

The moment when I have someone to carry my bag and save me from further stress. And buy me street foods namely isaw and fishballs.

The moment when someone is willing to wait for me just to make sure I go home safely.

The moment when someone knows what to do if I'm sad without me saying what I really want.

The fun times I had in my homeland. How I wish I can have a glimpse of yesterday, just one more time. Although I know there's no coming back, I still wish to see the same old faces I used to love.

How I wish I could turn back time and watch how happy I was there. Then, play it forward again to see how happier I have become now. Really? I'm not sure though.

Something inside me changed a lot. I can no longer be myself most of the time. I usually wear a mask and it's hard to keep that. Sometimes, I just want to scream and shout out the thoughts that I keep, caged and locked. Sometimes, I just want to go back, where I can laugh the way I used to laugh, I can play how I used to play, I can say everything I want to say, and I can be whatever I want to be.

I'm not used to having this face, frowned and serious most of the time. I hate this face for it gives me the feeling of being alone and selfless. How I wish I can always smile because someone is causing me to do so, or something rather.

Thank God for giving me my family, for whenever I'm with them, I'm ensured that I haven't completely lost myself. I can still see the same me even for a little amount of time in a day.

How I wish I can go back and remember how I kept myself happy most of the time, so that I can be that same old person I used to be.