Economics

End of year 10, I received my final list of subjects I'm doing in senior school. As I went through the list, there's one thing that I am not happy about. I got into Economics, my last choice. How come everyone got to do all the subjects they like? How come everyone did but me? I really wanted to do Business Studies but both classes clash with my Chemistry and Physics. So, I had no choice but to do it.

Eventually, I found Economics really exciting. From exciting, to amusing. From like, to love. WOW. I love Economics. I actually do. I am doing really good in class. I could not believe that I will have a passion for the subject. It's just WOW.

But that was the Preliminary Course. At the moment, everything just happens spontaneously. I don't get to follow my own command. Or rather, the world just doesn't follow what I want.

I have been through so many discussions, debates and arguments with other people. These talks all revolve on whether or not I am dropping Economics. This has been a sensitive one to me since I love Economics and it's not easy to make sacrifice. DUH?!? That's why it's called sacrifice.

Anyway, other aspects of my life have been touched along with solving the dilemma of what subject to drop. My future, my university plans and everything. WOW. I can't comprehend properly and I am seriously lost. Hello?!? I am just a year 11 student. How would I know what I want to do in my life at this point of time? I know I should have made my mind by now but everything is just happening so quickly. What if I get to choose the wrong path? What if something goes wrong? What will I do?

One day, I say 'I will drop Economics' and the next day, 'I love Economics'

WAHH. I am so lost until the day when a guy came to my school and gave us a little talk.

'Too many options is bad. It gives a person the fear of choosing the wrong option. But make a decision now before it's too late. It's better to make a wrong decision and learn to live with it to make it right than to freeze and let the world pass by you.'

WOW. I mean, OUCH. Was that for me? NO? YES? I think it is exactly said for me. I was so enlightened. At that very moment, I felt like I have heard the best talk in my life. I know that would change my life. I just know.

And so, I decided to choose another subject over my Economics. I just thought that maybe I have to make a decision and leave the rest to God. If I am wrong, life will surely give me a second chance. I believe that God will help me find my path and keep me on track. Everything just went clear. WOW.

So I decided to drop Economics. I didn't even buy a book for it. I was sure that I am not doing the subject by the first term of year 12. I got my parents to write a letter about me dropping. I've gotten a number of signatures required. Everything was going well. But when it came to the last signature, something came up and it's so not favourable to me. Conflicts regarding the number of units I am doing as well as the difficulties of my subjects all ruined my plan. At the end of the day, I am still doing Economics and there's no way that I can ever get rid of it until I graduate.

Why? I didn't even choose this subject from the very start! Now, it's like it has a strong force that keeps me in and I can't do anything about it. My annoyance went on for hours. My friends got so pissed and maybe they even wished for me to be gone at that instant. I just transformed to a hulk. It's not so good to make me angry you know. I thought I had to make a decision? I went through all the troubles just to find out in the end that I am controlled. I am forced to be in a subject that makes my life harder. It's not a choice after all. It's just an illusion that I had to make a choice.

What is with this subject? What is it that keeps pulling me back every time I try to take the steps to go away? Is this it? Is this God's will? Is this divine intervention?

It is hard to accept. Millions of 'what if's' came up in my head. The stress level I've been experiencing is just killing me everyday. I don't know. I can't understand. But maybe later I can get to take a glance to the picture of my future. Just a glance. I am not asking for a clear one. A blurry image is enough to convince me that at least I have a future. XD

Maybe God has other plans for me. And as I see it now, He doesn't want me to drop Economics. WOW. It was such a trouble. It's for me after all. ♥