01.05.09

Two weeks of Term 2 has passed and so many things happened along the way. I may have done the right thing, or the opposite. I'm not sure of everything. I'm lost.

My Math is going really good. I'm almost satisfied with the marks I'm getting. Meaning, I've worked hard for them. I did my best and the feeling is just so indescribable.

My English hasn't gone any better. I think it even becomes worse after each time. It's a good thing that I wasn't advised to drop Advanced or else I don't know how to swallow the embarrassment and of course the self-disappointment. I'm just right, a normal Advanced student. I'm actually near the bottom. I came 41st out of 84 students. I told you I'm just normal, or average rather.

Physics is interesting. But I don't think I'm getting the marks I really want. I know I can do it. But why don't I? It is weird. How do I fight myself? I consider 2 contradicting thoughts, which I both accept as right. This is how irrational I am. I know.

Chemistry is the same. I can't elaborate how I used to love this subject. This is my first love. This is everything I used to focus on. I guess I lost the track now. I can't understand myself. No wonder other people can't read me nowadays. I'm too confusing, annoying.

Economics became one of my loved subjects. It's natural. I don't have to stay up late or to exert extra effort to do well in it. I enjoy doing everything about Economics which I think is the reason why I don't consider any work as 'extra'. Everything is just right. Amazing :)

My school life is a cycle. Everything is rolling and keeps on coming back. It's like as if history repeats itself. I don't learn from my past mistakes. I keep on doing the same thing every time. But I'm not going to give up. I know I can do it. :))

Let's just keep it this way. I don't want to add something that may or may not offend someone in any sense and in any case. Sometimes, things go wrong even before it start moving. It's just up to me to mend everything I wrecked.

What can I do now to make things better?