Concerns

My dinner with my family awhile ago is not different from the dinners we had in the past. We always discuss about random things. We are open to everything and we always like to reminisce the moments when we're still in the Philippines. It's just that, this evening left me thinking and made me worried about my future. Maybe it's because of my kuya who suddenly mentioned about his chosen path.

On Wednesday, I'll be officially a Year 11 student. Everything is already set. My subjects were already been chosen. I've bought my textbooks which cost a lot. There is no way to retrieve now. I can't go backwards. I know that I have to do my chosen subjects and be good at them.

However, this feeling which I don't know what to call leaves me some concerns and keeps me worrying about my future. What if I don't want to be a doctor anymore? What if I want to be an Accountant? Do I really need Chemistry and Physics? What if it's better if I do Business Studies and Legal Studies instead? How can I back out now if everything's already set? But what if I'm really meant to be a doctor? How about my passion for Science? Don't I love Chemistry so much? Isn't Advanced English hard for me? Do I really like Economics? What am I going to be?

It's really hard to decide on what I'm going to do with my life. I love Math and Science at the same time. I have a passion for IT, too. My skills can bring me to Engineering Course but I know that I couldn't enter a man's world. What if I'd end up being an Accountant? What will I do with my Science skills? Is there anything I can do which involves Math, Science and IT all at the same time? What if in the end, I won't be happy? What am I going to do?

If I'm going to be a doctor, am I willing to spend years just to be a successful one? Am I willing to give up my life for those in need? Am I willing to be in service without pay? Do I really care about ill people? What if some of them dies, can my conscience stand that?

If I'm going to be an Accountant, am I willing to deal with business people? Can I even be like my dad? Can I be successful? Is that really what I want?

If I'm going to be an IT person, are there going to be a lot of job opportunities for me? Is there enough compensation in that field? Can I endure the fact that I'm going to face a computer in 99% of my life?

Does anyone know what's the right thing to do? I can't decide for myself. I need the views of other people. I've heard a lot from my parents but I can't still say whatever it is that I really like.

I hope that I can be happy in the future so that I can be successful in my chosen path. If only I can see a glimpse of my possible careers so that I can decide. At the moment, I still think about these concerns. When will I know where I will be?