Trying to be Good yet Still Bad

Have you ever felt like you try so hard to do the right thing but you still keep on doing the wrong one?

If yes, we can relate to each other.

These last few days, I've always been trying to be a good girl. I know I'm already one for the fact that I don't disappoint much my parents and I'm decent. You know what I mean, I am not a slut or what so ever that girls nowadays had become. I am trying to be what my parents expect me to be. However, I am the kind of girl who's not that sweet and intimate with my parents and I am answering back. Not that of disrespectful way, but sometimes I admit that I do.

I've been trying so hard not to talk back to them. Or at least talk to them with patience. I admit, I am always pissed off with the way they talk to me. I find it so unnecessary to ask so many details that even I don't know how to answer them correctly. Like, don't they have trust on me?

Two nights ago, I've been really bad. I was so lonely then that I felt like talking to my friends in the Philippines. I called my friend, EEYORE. I missed him so much. Oh well, back to the topic. So yea, I tried to call my friends like, LIET, SHERLYN, my beshiees CHARM and CES, but that night was crap! I wasn't able to contact anyone but eeyore. Then I remembered that I just got the number of Mhoninay, the one that I just met online, through friendster. She lives in the Philippines and she's a friend of my Ex-boyfriend, Azer. I called her up. We talked for awhile. I never realized that we've been talking for like an hour and that my brother's hearing everything. He went to my room and asked whom I am talking with. When I told him the answer, I was so pissed that I feel like he doesn't trust me. He was concerned of the cost of the call so I said that Mhoninay called me instead of saying the other way round. I lied :( I just did that to end the conversation. I hate interrogations especially when I'm talking over the phone. Suddenly, my mom knocked on my room and checked on me. Crap! My brother told her everything. I couldn't resist but to answer back. My point is, am I doing anything bad aside from the fact that I lied? Come on, I am just feeling lonely so I thought of having someone to talk to. What's so wrong with that?

My mom got so angry at me. She told me that I am disrespectful and all that. Of course my dad should intrude or else my mom would have gotten a heart attack. They were so angry at me. My dad checked on every detail I answered. He analyzed EVERYTHING. In the end, I just told him that I lied. There's nothing to worry though. I just lied and there's where the trouble started from. My dad didn't know if he would believe me or something. He said that I'm the one who gives them the reasons to doubt on me.

Oh well, they're right. I tried so hard to be patient. I tried everything. It's just that, you know, adrenaline rush. Sometimes I'm out of control.

I wrote to them I said I'm sorry. I told them EVERYTHING, no more lies.

The next day, we're fine.

It's funny how sometimes I feel like they don't trust me or they don't understand me. And when I take time to think about what happened, I would suddenly realize that I was on the wrong side. that I'm the one who didn't trust them on their judgments on me. and I'm the one who did not understand the situation.

Sometimes, because of thinking too much of doing the right thing, we don't realize that we are actually doing the wrong one.